WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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