We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
