Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
