all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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