She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
