Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
