She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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