I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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