It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just pee around me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
