Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
