I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
