Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
