Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize