Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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