Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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