I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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