chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
