go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
