Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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