I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
