I just pynch a tree in the face
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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