when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
