There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
