grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
