I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
