you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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