Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
