you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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