Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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