I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
