The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
