tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everclear isn't food dammit
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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