we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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