she was so not down for the gang bang
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
