This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
