i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
