IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
