someone threw a dead crab at me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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