you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
