I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
