Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
