i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's Friday. Sex?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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