Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
