Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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