I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
