I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
