quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
