dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
