I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
