New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
