Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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