I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
