The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
