So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
