he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
