Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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