We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
