.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
