Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
