Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
