Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
