A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
