did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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