I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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