they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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