Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
