Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
