Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
