If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
