Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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