the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
