after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
