I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
