We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
