Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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