question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
