they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
