How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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