So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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