Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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