You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
