I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
