Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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