I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
