FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
