You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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