If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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