Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
