I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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