It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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