Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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